deep saddness

Two weeks ago today my life turned upside down as I received a phone call at about 5:00. One of my dearest friends was calling literally crying out for me to help her. As my mind began to race I quickly went into that mode of just doing what has to be done and making sense of things later. I dropped everything, told the kids that dad was on his way home, and quickly drove to my friends home. I am going to forgo the details of the night because most of those who would be reading this blog know the story and because I am still processing a lot of what I encountered that evening and the days that followed. But I do have questions....not questions that would say I am shaking my fist at God because of the death of a sweet little one or because of Erin's death 10 years ago. What I find myself questioning is "How I am to live in the midst of such chaos, such pain, trying to love our friends well, love my own kids well, be excited about the pending adoption of Ellie and still walk in such a way as to say my Heavenly Father is worthy of praise...no matter how many children die in car accidents or how many die in earthquakes or...." I know He is worthy of praise even in our deepest hour of need...