a heart divided...

Have you ever pondered what heaven is like... I mean what it is really like? Have you ever allowed yourself to imagine sitting beside your Heavenly Father, maybe tossing stones into a pond, and having one of those conversations that you can only have with a soul mate, you know, someone who knows every part of your being and still loves you anyway? Do you even allow yourself to long for such joy and wonder? I do at times....although I usually am so caught up in the day to day of life that I forget to allow myself to really experience God this side of heaven. That is where my heart divided comes in. I so long to be the mom that God is calling me to be...yet I allow the world to dictate my hurriedness to "get it all done". I so long to see Ellie's face and tell her "I love you",or read her a book, or stroke her hair...yet I get so caught up in adoption paperwork or homeschooling that I forget to sit quietly in those moments with Alex, David and Keeli. I so long not to miss my earthly soul mate(Ray) in the craziness of being "mom". I so long to see Jesus...I so long to see Erin...I so long to see Ellie. I long to love, to not take for granted, to play, to see all and see God's wonder in it, to experience the beauty, to sit quietly,...to rest in HIM. A mom's heart divided... The already and the not yet. God is calling me to rest in His beauty of today, not miss today in looking for tomorrow.

Be still and know that I am God...
Be still...